Aug 25, 2006

Cola Conspiracy

What if the colas are not as harmful as the CSE tests show
What if the Health Ministry is using CSE as a tool to extract money from cola giants
[after all clean chits don't come for free]
What if the the cola giants are secretly behind the ban on sale of colas in schools
[after all banned substances are more desirable]
What if Baba Ramdeo is also working for the cola giants
What if cola giants have plans to repackage colas as Toilet Cleaners
What if Colas are banned completely
What if peddling cola becomes more profitable for gangs than Coke (the narcotic variety)

*Time for the medication*

Jul 9, 2006

Helmets are for your safety

Last week, one of the new channels showed a story on Baroda Police's approach on forcing riders to wear helmet. Initially the traffic police were just charging a fine for 2-wheeler riders without helmets. That was the normal approach. Then they launched a drive where the policemen stopped riders without helmets and handed them a certificate and a rose. No fine, just a certificate and a rose.

Now that's an innovative and a sincere way of enforcing a law. Considering that the people behind this (the traffic police), who normally work on profit centric targets, it's even more praiseworthy.

Jul 1, 2006

Detergent powders pack much more

The strategy makers at India's largest fast moving consumer goods company have decided "detergent powders should deliver much more than just clean clothes"

Their new campaigns for Wheel and Rin Advanced have taken detergent powders to the next level.

Wheel: A neatly dressed women-next-door-type housewife walks in to a Post Office. She hesitantly seeks directions to a particular counter and then fills up a money order form addressed to her father back in the village. The detergent logo then morphs to one rupee coins. No non-sense talk about cleaning abilities of the soap.
Message: Buy Wheel detergent powder, save money, send it back home. The more detergent you buy, the more money you can save to send back home.

Rin Advanced: Amitabh Bachchan is chased by little children in a mall. All they are trying is to grab his attention. Easier way to do this: buy Rin Advanced and get coupons that will enable your child to participate in a talent hunt contest.
Message: Buying Rin Advanced can help your son become the next Amitabh Bachchan.

If you thought detergent powders were meant to wash clothes, think again.

Jun 3, 2006

Who says star sons/daughters don't have to struggle

MTV Fully Faltoo Film Ghoom is a shamelessly cheap spoof on Dhoom.

If you haven't suffered the original Chopda-Gang production, then get it's (pirated) VCD. To make this experience less painful, feel free to use the fast forward button liberally. Once you're done, you will appreciate Ghoom better. If you've already suffered the original, then you are all set. Go watch it.

Story in brief - It's an inspiring story of the struggle and hardships that sons of famous fathers have to endure to make a mark as an actor in this big bad world of Hindi filims.
Overall Ghoom is cheaply made, not as great as Ramgadh ke Sholay but it's worth the price of the ticket (must admit, I got free passes).

May 27, 2006

Value Add

Just as the multiplex owners were managing to make the ends meet with their Rs 200 tickets and Rs 40 pop-corn, the f@g gang decided they wanted a bigger share of the revenues. As if that wasn't enough, some legal activist decides to file a petition against one of them for selling water at exorbitant price.

It's interesting to note the packaged water prices:
500 ml - Rs 12,
1000ml - Rs 18,
750 ml - Rs 25!

From the news article:
In it reply to the Commission, HPMW said the 750 ml mineral water is packed specially for the cinema halls. The company has installed special machinery for the purpose and it would take sometime to recover the cost of machine, therefore, the prices are high.

Of-course the prices are a bit high. But look at the value that these specially packaged bottles offer. Extensive market research has shown that movie-goers prefer 750ml bottles, and detailed scientific studies have proven that 750 ml is the exact amount of water needed by the average-multiplex-going-human-body.

C'mon guys, those poor multiplex operators are just trying to make the ends meet by preventing you from carrying water inside the cinema. If they don't do this then where will the money for cup-holder seats come from ... government subsidies?

May 21, 2006

Que for Cola Execs

If I'm watching TV, it should be with Pepsi.
If I'm eating Samosas, it should be with Coca Cola.
But what to do if I'm watching TV and eating Samosas?
Please tell no. Also long time no cola war? Why-Why?

Apr 17, 2006

Fine print

Artificially flavoured. Contains no fruit juice or pulp.
Read the offer document (red herring prospectus) carefully.
Accesories shown in picture are not part of standard equipment.
Under standard test conditions.
Orbit Chewing Gum gum is "Not for Phenylketonurics"

Insurance is a subject matter of solicitation.
What? Why? Duh!

Oh and here's a article that digs into the ever present "Conditions Apply" clause.

Mar 25, 2006

A brand new mail box

for the Department of Posts and Telegraph.

Looks neat.

Feb 3, 2006

Just can't wait for the next Jan 26

Our cities already have malls with multi-storied car park, shopping trolleys, multiplexes, escalator & capsule lifts, drive-thru food outlets and Starbucks clones. A Thanksgiving-day type sale was missing though.

On January 26, 2006 BigBazaar's Mumbai stores saw an unprecedented foot-fall (not foot ball) for it's sale. The resulting chaos, traffic jams forced the closure of the store. If this event is planned better (I'm sure it will be), then Indian consumers may get their own Thanksgiving day sale. Imagine how much fun it'd be - to queue up all night outside a store and madly run to buy stuff at throw away prices.

Jan 29, 2006

India Shining

Formerly known as Huma-Heena, the 2 theater cinema complex is now a swanky 4-screen cup-holder-seat-equipped multiplex and a shopping mall with factory outlet shops.

Jan 22, 2006

Sneak preview of the new marketing strategy

Chocolate flavored bathing soap, SRK in bath tub, all new Green Lifebuoy...
So many soaps. Just one bath a day. Not enough.

Here's a sneak preview of the new marketing strategy:
Statistical data has shown that less that 0.002% of the consumers take bath more than once a day. There's an immense growth potential in this area. So the strategy to promote 5-times-a-day bathing among the consumers.

Why five?

-If Gillet can have 5-razor-blade, we can have 5-baths-a-day too.

How five?

-A strategic Tie-up with Sulabh international to set up world-class bathing kiosks complete with automatic vending machines, monthly memberships and frequent-bather reward points.

Jan 15, 2006

I'll take 14

Clinic Plus, H&S and Pantene are available in small pouches of 7.5 ml. (i.e. 14
packets will give you 105 ml of shampoo)
CP: 1.5 x 14 = 21
H&S: 3 x 14 = 42
Pantene: 3 x 14 = 42
Their 100ml bottles are priced (as on Jan 14, 2006) as follows:
Clinic Plus: 33
H&S: 64
Pantene: 51

It is unusual to see such prices because in a normally one expects to pay a lesser per-unit price when the quantity increases. Packaging cost can not justify the higher price (a 100ml plastic bottle costing Rs. 12 or 22! NO.).

One reason could be that the companies selling these things might be cross-subsidising the smaller pouches by bottles. Somewhat like the Railways does (or at least claim to do) with passenger and goods tariffs.

Another reason could be that the companies deliberately price the bottles higher based on some statistical information that they possess in the form of slick PowerPoint presentations. The data basically tells them "your average bottle-customer has an average income of Rs X and he/she would not mind paying Rs. Y for your shampoo."

This complex art of maximizing profits without affecting sales is called pricing. In certain other situations like the auto/taxi drivers charging extra money to tourists it is known as duping or even robbery.

So when next time you pick up that bottle of shampoo from your friendly neighbourhood supermarket, remember you are helping some poor chap buy a 7.5 ml shampoo at an affordable price or you are being ...

Jan 3, 2006

Emergency Exit

22 people lost their lives in an accident involving a Volvo bus. Though I haven't ever noticed, apparently Volvo buses have 5 exits.